Almost always, a person who’s had an NDE wonders, “Why me?”
If you’ve had a great NDE, you wonder if you’re special, if you’re supposed to do something remarkable with your life, be famous, be another Mother Teresa. You may have discovered the secret of the universe, and it may be true–and you may wonder if you’re expected to go out and sell tickets so you can talk about it all the time. The safe answer to all of those is, “Probably not.” Just be a kinder, more aware version of who you are. Be the most of who you are.
But if your NDE was frightening, or terrible, or convinced you that you’re going to hell when you die, or left you feeling guilty, you’re probably wondering what’s wrong with you. Does this mean you’re damned? Kicked out of heaven? A wicked, horrible person? Are your sins that terrible–or was that a psychotic episode? Again, the safe answer is, “Probably not.” The bad news is that you’re going to have to work harder than if you’d had a beautiful NDE to figure out the real meaning of the experience in your life.
Here is a most important fact: There is NO evidence that good people get good NDEs and bad people get bad ones. Yes, what is called the “conventional wisdom”–the folklore of just about everybody–tells us that people get what they deserve. But a quick look around tells us that the real world doesn’t work that way. Babies and little children and kindly, helping, delightful people were just as likely to be killed in the recent string of tornadoes as were the drug dealers and child abusers.
What 30 years of study tell us is that nobody knows why people get the NDEs they do. Saints have had terrible experiences, hellish experiences, glimpses of nightmarish scenarios. But they were still saints. People who are generally disapproved of–whoever is on your list of “mustn’ts”–have reported NDEs full of light and love and wisdom.
So what’s the point of being good if it doesn’t make a difference in whether you get punished? And why would you be treated that way if you’re not a bad person? For one thing, because maybe it’s not about punishment. Maybe it’s about learning something you wouldn’t have otherwise. And maybe the point of being “good” is because it’s a happier, more satisfying way to live.
If you choose to, you can believe that a terrible NDE means hell. That’s not the choice I would recommend, because it means you’ll be living in fear your whole life. What I recommend is that you keep coming back here while the site fills up with information and ideas, and hopefully with sharing by other people in your situation who have found ways to get through to a better way of feeling about themselves, the world, and–if you’re religious–probably God. Stay tuned.
dancingpastthedark 
If we leave this Earth able to love unconditionally, we’ve gotten what we came for. In order to develop this ability, we have to acquire it in the face of adversity. You LOVE no matter what the conditions are, against all odds, or what ever. This also means love others regardless of their character flaws, or failings in life. Just learn the difference between helping and enabling, and do the best you can.
Dave Woods
Amen to that!
N.
I came across somthing that i thought might be worth mentioneing. Cherie Sutherland, an Australian researcher, interviewed 50 NDE survivors in depth and found that the effects on the lives of survivors had been remarkably consistent and quite different from the effects of drug or chemical induced hallucinations. She identified many effects which have been substantiated by other studies e.g. Ring (1980 and 1984) Atwater (1988). These included:
• a universal belief in life after death
• a high proportion (80%) now believed in re-incarnation
• a total absence of fear of death
• a large shift from organized religion to personal spiritual practice
• a statistically significant increase in psychic sensitivity
• a more positive view of self and of others
• an increased desire for solitude
• an increased sense of purpose
• a lack of interest in material success coupled with a marked increase in interest in spiritual development
• fifty per cent experienced major difficulties in close relationships as a result of their changed priorities
• an increase in health consciousness
• most drank less alcohol
• almost all gave up smoking
• most gave up prescription drugs
• most watched less television
• most read fewer newspapers
• an increased interest in alternative healing
• an increased interest in learning and self-development
• seventy five per cent experienced a major career change in which they moved towards areas of helping others.
I could relate well to 11 of the 19 points listed! Amazing! Alan
Amazing, isn’t it? A long time back, when there was still hot discussion about whether the ‘noir’ experiences were “real” NDEs, I put my own bleak experience up against the Weighted Core Experience Index that Ken Ring had developed to gauge the intensity of pleasurable NDEs. As I recall, a score of 11 marked a definite yes, and by the simple expedient of changing the tone (not the intensity) of emotions from pleasant to unpleasant, my experience scored a 17. Bingo! And yes, that recognition changed everything. Glad you found Cherie’s list.
Nancy
Hello, I was told that I have had several NDE’s, the most significant one, I think, was when I was 18 and I drowned in the Mediterranean Sea in France.
I know that something happened but I don’t remember much. Since moving to North Carolina, my experiences have been trying to come to the light of memory. It’s very distressing to me because I need a way to know and understand what happened and why. Let me know if you have any ideas. Thanks.
Hi Joanna: I think I could recommend a really good book to begin making sense of your experience(s) in the Mediterranean Sea. Holden, Greyson & James (2009) published their book entitled “The Handbook of Near-death Experiences”. I hear it’s excellent! You can get a good price at The Book Depository in the UK — see http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Handbook-Near-death-Experiences-Janice-Miner-Holden/9780313358647 . Hope this helps somewhat!
P.S. If you make some headway and learn more about your experience(s), would you mind sharing it with us sometime? Cheers, Alan
You say you have been *told* you had an NDE–but how would anyone else know that? Like any memory, an NDE belongs only to the person who actually had the experience. First, if you had to be *told* you had an NDE, I am curious about the circumstances and the qualifications of the person who told you that.
Second, even if you did have an NDE that you don’t remember, the fact that it is hidden in memory means it isn’t ready to come out yet. There’s a lot to be said for patience and not trying to force things. (Crack open an egg too soon, and you’ll never get a chick.)
During the time I experienced a hellish NDE I had a close relationship with God. Actually was closer when I was a young child. Was a free spirited, ALL was GREAT. A few years later was taken to a Church and was taught God was an angry, jealous and vengful God that was hard to please. If a devil didn’t get you God would.
None of this felt ‘right’ to me, but I was just a kid and the adults? Well, they seem to know and was considered wrong to ask questions. Bottom line I was ‘brainwashed’ to believe their truth, others too since within my family are many ‘hell, fire and brimstone’ preached. And taught everyone who belonged to any other Church…most were going to hell.
So, to nutshell what happened, that NDE helped me! Opened my eyes.
In my opinion it is not right when someone dies to think, decide or say where they are. As I read in a book, a hitman experienced a ‘positive’ NDE while others with wonderful reputations-even church goers-experience hellish NDE’s.
Is not, as Jesus taught, our right to judge others. I strongly believe in the power of prayer including to pray for those who cross over NO MATTER who they are or WHAT THEY’VE DONE in our eyes. Including bin Laudin.
Linseay Jo, the churches like the one you describe–the ones that ignore the message of love and caring for each other and for Being, the ones that want the sacred to reflect their own fear and anger and love of vengeance–those churches represent hell on earth. My own experience has been in a very different kind of Christian church, in which the central belief is that the universe is grounded in a love we cannot fully understand but that we are to try to emulate. I am so glad your NDE showed you something good and true. And yes, prayer for EVERYONE, no matter who or what they have ever done. Thanks so much for writing!